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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
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The worst thing in the world is losing your best friend...
it's even worst when you dont know what you did wrong..
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Greetings All!
I am alive
that is all.
xoxo,
Sher
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Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
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Dude I love the Five Heartbeats!!! Good Stuff man!
Anyway, yeah Im alive, just in case you wondering what happened to me... Been working two jobs, one still at hud, doing accounting and the other At Starbucks making coffee (obviously). Sadly is that I find starbucks more rewarding than HUD, though HUd pays more.
I came to the realization today that I am not superwoman, despite what I may want to think.. and im dropping 2 of the 4 classes that I was taking this semester. I guess I had to reason, that my sanity is more important than a piece of paper that says that I have obtained "knowledge". So im just going to take my time earning this degree. I know Im Smart, I dont have to prove it to anyone, and thats that.
Next week Im going on vacation to the worlds greatest place... Yes, I should soooo get the MOMMY OF THE YEAR award... For Autumn's 6th birthday we will be partying in orlando, Mickey style. Thats right, Im going to Disney!, But the best part is, its actually for Autumn, and I have arranged to have her birthday dinner with Cinderella!!!!!!! Now how awesome is that! I think the kid will flip out!, Yes, congratulate me on what an awesome mommy I am... thank you, thank you!
The hubby is swell, annoying, but still loves my hunny.
Cant say too much about the puppy, he ate my favorite pair of undies yesterday ( and yes they were clean... nasty jerks!)
Anyway, Im around,s orry Ive been away, Ill try to get better....
Also,
steffy, please re-add me to your myspace, i think i deleted you or something.. sorry.
MUAH!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
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.) Where did you ring in 2006?
Home by myself
2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
married
3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yip, Finally earned my AA in Accounting, and I started University of Maryland in the fall
4.) How did you earn your keep
Accountant
5.) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Nope
6.) Did you encounter the police?
Nope
7.) Where did you go on vacation?
Orlando Fl.
8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
New bedroom furniture
9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
Yip, Caffie, and Cyndi but not to each other lol
10.) you know anybody who passed away?
Not personally
11.) Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?
Yeah, Danny Fischler and Sarah Schellin
12.) Did you move anywhere?
yeah i got a snazzy apartment in greenbelt
13.) What sporting events did you go to?
none
14.) What concerts did you go to?
none.. man im slacking
15.) Are you registered to vote?
Yes
16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
I didnt vote... i know i suck
17.) Where do you live now?
in my snazzy apartment in greenbelt
18.) Describe your birthday:
it sucked... i ended up sleeping the entire day
19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
thats a bit personal
20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
alot of regrets
21.) What's something you learned about yourself?
i am my mother
22.) Any new additions to your family?
yip, got a maltipoo... snowflake
23.) What was your best month?
April- cause I got out of debt, then got back in in the summer lol
24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
i dont know, Im such a tabloid queen I cant remember....
25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (excellent)?
6- im alive... so thats got to count for something
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Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
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greetings...
Sorry Ive been a way for sometime. I've been dealing with the mello drama of ending friendships( cause apparently Im not allowed to have opinions and openly express them), but I also have had the pleasures of making new and improved friends, those who support and generally care not only about my well being, but about my family's well being, which is really awesome.
All is well on the homefront... you know, normal day to day family stuff. Paul and I just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary... I know, its been a year already, who could have imagined, that he'd want to stay with me... because you know I am a moody old prude...23 going on 40 lol, but I guess he loves me and thats all that matters right?
Autumn is well, I swear I have the best kid, she is so amazing!
As far as me, Im a bit tired... buts thats only because im working 2 jobs, and Im back at school fulltime! Yes, I am completely nuts, but you know me; Ive never been one to sit on my ass and expect the world to come to me. I know I have to work hard. So I bust my butt everyday to take care of my family... yeah Im very much sleep deprived, but Im sure it will pay off very soon.
OOH I have new secret weakness.. Grey's Anatomy... I completely addicted!!! TUNE IN EVERYONE TUNE IN!! Thursday nights @ 8 on ABC... okay that is as far as im going with my loserness.
Anyway, just writing to say hey I alive, im well, Im still here. I miss you guys. hope to be talking to you soon.
MUAH
SHer
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Thursday, September 7th, 2006
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I am FUCKING AWESOME!
let me count the ways of how awesome I am!
First Im a great mom! Thats right I sacraficed my own happinss for a person I didnt even know that I was sure I even wanted!I live in breathe for my Autumn.. If she needs something, I put everything to the side and I do it.. I work 2 jobs and go to school so I can be a role model to her and to teach her that life is tough, but its als what you make it
Reason #2
Im smart... Smart enough to know that I can't live off of a high school education and to know that I have potential and that nothing in life is handed to me on a silver platter... Im also smart cause I didnt get 5 rejection letters from college when I applied. I was accepted to Maryland University the first time I applied with scholarship money... Booya!
Reason #3
I have a damn good job.. doesnt matter how I got it, yeah I knew someone in the right position, but It was up to me to learn my job and do a damn good job at it for them to want to keep me for 4 years !
Reason #4
My husband loves me! Yah we fight, yah we argue.. and yeah you know what, sometimes we dont have sex... but you know what It's real! My marriage is real! my husband loves every inch of my not so perfect body.. HE loves my big ol booty! In fact he can't get enough of it! He loves my jiggly boobs! Hey loves my gut, he calls it his pillow! The best part is he loves the way I look in the morning... Nappy head and all! He still kisses me when I have a boogers all over my face and krusty lips.He's not ashamed of me.. hes proud to say "that grumpy ol troll sherise is my wife". Thats love and thats marriage.. not made up. My heads arent stuck in the clouds of what marriage is supposed to be like...this is it! Unconditional love
Reason #5
I have friends that love me... I mean real friends! Not friends I met two months ago that i have confessed are my reason to live. honest to God friends. Friends that hurt when I hurt, Friends that cry when I cry.. Not some superficial friend that talks trash at the first sign of a disagreement.. Lord knows me and Kusuma have had it on the outs about religion and life for years, but you know we love each other enough to set aside our personal views for the sake of our friendship.. I love her, and she loves me.. simply put... ( Lisa dont get jealous I love me some you)
Reason # 6
Im responsible.. when I got pregnant at 17 I was scared.. BUT I took like a real woman and I stuck it out. I got a job, went backed to school and I making the best life for that kid. Whats so great about partying and drinking and doing drugs.. what could be more important to me, than raising my child. Making sure she safe in her bed.. No one ever wants to say " my momma was never around cause she wanted to have fun" . Fun is drawing with your kid with magic markets and having stains on your hands for days. Fun is taking car rides and listening to Mary Poppins in the car... A smile from Autumn...thats all I need to get me through a tough day..not a drink.
Reason #7
Im hot! thats right IM fucking beautiful! Take that Beyonce! All of this is real, no makeup. no fancy clothes.. not flashy bling, but still I have guys hit on my every fucking day on my commute to work.( horny metro riders). apparently Im the shit@ Paul is one lucky man!
Reason #8
Finally Im great because Im me.. To others I may be BORING, MOODY, and a tired of hag..but you know what Im a child of God and I highly favored in his eyes.To my Child Im a HEro, to My Husband Im a Queen and to my friends I am a blessing.
Who cares if I dont meet the standards of a typical 23 year old.
Cause IM not typical I am Awesome I Rock
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Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
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OKay so Ive been neglected my journal for quite a bit,and im sorry.. just been going through the motions of life.
Turns out we are not going to buy the condo, because even if we do an interest only 40 year mortgage, the payments are still 1750 and every now and then I enjoy eating. So I chose feeding my fam over living in the ridiculously expensive condo.. Im sad about it, but I guess it wasnt meant to be.
Earlier this month the hubby, Autumn and myself went down to Orlando Fl for Caffie & damians Wedding... Please dont laugh at me... I know I look like a huge fat Pumpkin in the dress. heres some pics...
Me and Elana
Trina and Me
Me and Damian... now tell me my butt aint big!
Damian and Caffie
Stealing a smooch from Caffie
Autumn
Paul impersonating me as a "grumpy ol' troll"
In other news I think I have severed several friendships...I wont name the names, but lets just say this, dont ever try and buy a car from a friend, they will try to dick you in the end!
Also I finally start school back which I am so happy about because Ive been living like a zombie for the past couple of months not knowing what to do with all this free time. So im going back and Im taking a full load.
Things right now seem so boring and dull, ive completely turned into a housewife... I need to get out..really bad! okay ttyl!
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yeah so i went to va beach with a few companions of mine... the trip was awful,parking was lousy, my companions were selfish.. yup thats right i said it.( had the nerve to ask me to give them my food, that I PAID FOR, WITH MY MONEY when I said I was going home.. how thoughtful of them) and I didnt step foot on no stinkin beach, in a nutshell, i drove 8 hrs just for a wendy's cheeseburger. Talk about a blast!
sunday I laid around... so exhausted from my horrible day before and watched Party of Five and took my pup pup to get a hair cut... I have the cutest dog... and the cutest kid for the record!
So here I am at work bored beyond belief...I cant wait for my trip to FL, im sure the trip will be an awesome one...
But boy what was I thinking... 8 hours for a stinkin cheeseburger
by the way theres no I in team.
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YIP! I have the cutest kid!
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Finally here are some pics for your viewing pleasure... some were taken early this spring, and a few from my super mommas day... enjoy!
Ms Autumn.. she resembles Katie holmes in this pic
Momma & Aut ready for Easter
Breakfast in Bed for Mommas Day.. Yah for Pancakes and HashBrowns!
Me and my coworker Dione on her last day At HUD *sniff*
me and the hubby @ Emily's for Easter Dinner
Yes Autumn has a appreciation for Mr.Cobain... or at least Im hoping she will:)
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Apparently I am too independent, and I should live and breathe for my husband....
Sorry folks, I love my hubby, but since when hav I ever been one to lay up under a man and depend on him for support? what year is it.. 2006, shoot I am the backbone of my family! and no Im not one of the sad sorry ass women who depends on her hubby, and then is surprised when he leaves her ass 5 yrs doen the road with 20 billion nappyheaded bad ass babies..
Nope not me!
In other news, I started my own business ( again, Im too independent) its called Pretty Little Papers, Its a stationary business, specializing in handmade papercrafts including, invitations, announcements and so on.
Also finally Im graduating on May 25th..with with a 3.2 aveage.. I believe thats with honors? Go me!
Also, have a mentioned my complete disgust for stay at home moms that dont do crap all day...spare me, the its better for the child psycho bull $#@! cause really your ass should be contributing to the economy like me... If YAN can cook, so Can you! ( check it out on PBS)
In addition my child inquired about where babies came from the convo went like this:
Autumn: Mommy how do babies get in your belly
Me: Well, When your older, God decides that you've been good and puts a baby in there
Autumn: When Im a teenager mommy?
Me: *loud voice* NO!!!!!, when your married!
Who knew that i would have to have that talk so soon... kids these days... My child also mentioned to me that she wanted to be the following : a vet, a astronaunt and a mommy... and I said she couldnt be all in one. And my lovely child told me " But your more than one thing mommy, your my mommy, my friend and you work and sometimes go to school"
I got the idea that shes going to be independent too!
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Thursday, April 6th, 2006
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Ive been holding this in for a few days, and I just need to shout and get off my chest and out of my life...for good!
Turns out the guy who molested me for most of my childhood life died in prison last summer. For some reason I feel releived. Somewhat like now I know for good that he can never hurt anyone ever again. Then I started wondering if he died a horrible death like he deserved, and if thought about if he was ever remorseful about how he pratically ruined my life and stole my spirit for me. Lords Ive been trying to get my spirit back, but every now and then, that sad little girl creeps out and I feel like Im 5 years old all over again with no one to run or talk to. I know you reap what you sowe but still ...
Im trying to let it go...
I just want to let it go
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Thursday, March 30th, 2006
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Im not feeling very birthday like today... Im wishing it wasnt my birthday, that way I could get away with being sad and depressed, without folks expecting me to be happy and cheerful CAUSE IM NOT!
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Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
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Life has been tough for me lately.. But I am working on getting better.
But I do have some happy news. I found out this morning that I got accepted to the University of Maryland.. Im going to go to University College starting this summer. So im really happy about this. I truely bad. No matter how bad my life may seem to outsiders, and even to myself. I always overcome my adversity and everything is going to be ok. Im moving foward and trying my best to live life and be thankful for it...regardless if it turned out the way I wanted it to... Im beginning to realize that its not about me, and this battle really isnt mine.. But thats a whole 'nother discussion, that Im sure you guys arent ready for. *(((heheh im getting Jesusfied lol))*
Anyway. its my very very unbirthday!
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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Imagine Me
(K. Franklin)
Imagine me, loving what I see when the
Mirror looks at me ‘cause I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I’m finally happy cause
I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
‘Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord can You imagine me
Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again
Imagine me, being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can…imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can…imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down
You won’t get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Lord, can You imagine me
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
‘Cause I don’t have to read that page again
Gone, gone, it’s gone, all gone
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Monday, February 27th, 2006
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You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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Wow it's been a while! Ive been meaning to update this thing for sometime now, but you know me, i get all busy and hysterical!
Since my last post I think I mentioned how I would start seeing a therapist. Well that has turned out to be one of the best things I could have ever done for myself. I am now coming to the grips of understanding me a little more, and Im starting to like myself... not at the love stage yet, but i like myself.
The medication is going well, Im just afriad of being dependent of them.. a went a few days without out it and I was an emotional mess.But that's a whole nother story..
School is full swing, and its going pretty well. I recently applied for graduation which I am totally psyched about! But I still have a 2 more years At Maryland.. Im even thinking about going to get my Masters Degree or maybe Law School... Matlock watch out!
OHH OHHH Paul bought me a puppy.. a cute little maltipoo (maltese/pomerian) named snowflake
well I keep telling Autumn its for her,( who by the way turned 5 two weeks ago) but really its my puppy...talk about a wonderful valentines day present hehe. Speaking of valentines day, my momma got married! Imagine that! Big Purple is hitched! Lord help David hehe. But its cool to have a pappy, at the same time its strange, ive been fatherless for so long it feeels so wierd.
pauls good, he's trying to coax me into having another offspring, but i think Ill hold tight on my eggs hehe. besides, were in the process of homebuying and I just want to take things oneday at a time.
one day at a time..thats a new concept for me.
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Friday, January 20th, 2006
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So for the first time in my life im keeping one of my new yrs resolutions. IM loving myself more.By that I mean that ive taken the necessary steps to help myself. Im now on medication to treat my depression and I now see a therapist to sort through all my shit that has royally screwed me up over the years. And the best part is Paul. Weve been going through a tough time, but he's sticking by me and trying to understand more how I work inside. Not to long ago I just held im in my arms and I knew I didnt want to let ago, and I guess thats what I need, not to let go and not to give up. Isnt that the point of life?
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lustdol's journal
bored.
accomplished.
contemplative.